Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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