I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
