I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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