just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
