The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
