I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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