If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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