What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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