He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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