can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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