Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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