Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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