so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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