I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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