Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
