Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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