the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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