he was CRYING into my vagina
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
