i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were trust falling into bushes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
