if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
