I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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