You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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