It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
