this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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