Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
