I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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