cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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