were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
