she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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