I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
