So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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