at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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