whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
