you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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