We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
