I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
