He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
