it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
