I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
