I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
