Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
