Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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