So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize