just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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