Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
