Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
