We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
