Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
