so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
