In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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