dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
