youre lurking in front of me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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