The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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