i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
