If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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