I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
