I smell stomach acid.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
