Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
