I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
