i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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