Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
