Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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