I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
