Define "chronic" masturbator.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
