I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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